Mary's Journal

Today, I sing.

I sing a song that is mine and mine alone. Walking towards Elizabeth’s house, the path is deserted. But instead of loneliness I find peace, and so I sing.

“There is a joy in my heart. A joy I do not understand.
There is a joy inside my soul.
And, it threatens to control the very essence of who I am.

I am nothing. I am something. I am yours and yours alone.

My God. Precious God. To you am I thankful.
For this gift that you have given me.

To the one placed inside of me. My thoughts are always of you.
I dream of who you are and what you will do.
Will you change the world? I know that you will. But how and when escapes me.
My thoughts they do betray me. For I fear that which will come for you.
I fear what wants to destroy you.

My baby. Small one kept secret for now.
You’re safe, you’re growing, tucked away from the world.
Baby of mine and yet, I am yours. For my heart already bears the scars of loving you.

Jesus. I’ll call you Jesus. The name bestowed upon you by God himself.
What plans he has for you? What meaning shall come from your name?
Will the world love or hate you? I’m haunted by these questions whose answers I know not. But today, you are mine. Kept safe within me.
Yes, safe within me.”


This is the song within my heart Lord. Today, I release it to you. As I walk towards my cousin’s house, I feel as though I am walking towards destiny for at this point there is no going back.

With each step that I take, the song in my heart grows louder. Perhaps it will grow so loud it will drown my fears and yet the grand noise of it shall betray my secret to Elizabeth. And, I fear what she will think of me. Will she believe my story? Though I am sure that he cannot, I wonder if Gabriel could go before me and tell my story that I may not have to explain this mystery.


I think that I shall not tell her.

For now is a time of rejoicing over the child that she is carrying. A miracle child in and of itself. Yes, today I will rejoice with Elizabeth.

But, this song. It threatens to consume me. I do believe my secret is written all over my face Lord, that I shall not be able to keep it no matter how hard I try. For, how can one hide the great mystery that is you.

Oh Lord, I promised to trust in you and you alone. Pave the way before me and be sure to hold my hand. For I go to rejoice and care for my cousin. I pray she will rejoice with me as well.

Mary


“He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3 NIV

The song of the Lord is as springs of living water and when the song is uttered it releases waves of healing restoration for your soul. So, regardless of circumstance, regardless of all that is around you, release your song unto the Lord.

Mary's Journal

My hands are still sweating. Favored one. Me? Favored for what I must ask.

I still do not fully understand. If my heart could be anymore torn it might break in half. Joy and fear threaten to battle for occupation of my mind and I’m not sure which will win.

Favored one. Me?

Can tears fall from happiness and terror? Can one tear drown fate and another spring life? For my tears deceive me and they know not why they fall. In my pillow do I allow my tears to soak through like a bloodstained cloth. For one moment I am at peace and the next torment.

Favored one. Me?

His light was so bright. The one you call Gabriel. Heavenly to be sure for none could possess such a light source and be of this earth for he emanated that which could only be replicated by the sun itself and yet, it did not burn me. No, his presence was cool, peaceful, like a babbling brook whose source evades all capture. His words were soothing as silk coursing against one’s skin and yet they were loud as if rattling around the inside of a great cavern. My heart ached in his presence and I could not doubt he was sent by you, my Lord.

But, favored one. Me?

Am I not a poor peasant girl? Simple in all manners and ways? For today, I was doing nothing much of consequence. Nothing that would stand out to anyone of importance, but tonight…your angel. Gabriel. I fear my life has changed forever. I fear what tomorrow holds.

But, I will trust in the one who holds my tomorrow.

For I know You, my Lord. I have followed your ways and trusted your heart. I sought you in all things and believed you in all things. Why now, upon such great evidence, should I stop? No, I shall not for You are mightier than the sword, stronger than all that would test my faith. No, my Lord, I shall not leave you now.

Now, I will trust you all the more.

Bestow upon me what you will, my Lord. May it be to me as the angel has said.


“For nothing is impossible with God. ‘I am the Lord’s servant,’ Mary answered. ‘May it be to me as you have said.’” Luke 1:37-38


I pray that you see yourself the way God sees you. For you are not forgotten or unnoticed. You are not “poor” in the sight of the Lord. No, you are favored. You are a daughter of the King and nothing is impossible with God. Trust in him. Throw all cares on him and today seek God for the purpose of your life for He is ready to bestow your destiny upon you.

*author's note: This Mary's journal is similar to the original one in Dec however, this new revised version is the first official journal entry for the "Mary's journal" devotionals. Hope you enjoy.

Love Letters to the King

I was tired, my Lord.

The day behind me had been difficult. My work seemed unyielding and it warranted no merit. I laid my head to rest but sleep eluded me even in the darkened hour.

Restless, I drifted between our world and the one where dreams come to life. But my dreams could not keep me.

Immersed in Cimmerian shadows I left my bed and entered your garden. I knew you would not be there until the sun broke through the darkness and yet I had to come. In my malcontent, I needed to feel the remnant of your presence. To stand where I knew your foot had stood. To touch the smooth bark of the willow upon which you often rest your hand. I needed you. So, I waited.

The shroud of darkness screamed in my ears and yet, I thought I heard the approach of footsteps. I tried to turn but your hands took hold of my shoulders and squared my body in its place. Your grasp was firm. I was captive to your embrace.

“My Lord, are you not pleased to find me waiting?”

Your hand left my shoulder and covered my lips. Your skin was not smooth as it had been before. Calluses scraped my lower lip and an earthy malodorous smell filled my nose. I laid back into your chest hoping my submission would ease your grip, but you moved your other hand across my chest and held me closer than before. The stubble of your unshaven chin bit into my cheek. And your voice….

“Why do you love him?”

My breath was arrested within me, threatening to take my life.

“Why can you not love me?”

“You are not my King.”

“No. But, I should be for I can offer you so much more.”

The spittle of his words wet the inside of my ear. I could no longer hear the garden. I could only hear his filth and I was unwillingly intoxicated. Like filling my veins with poison, he purred his promises from a forked tongue masking all that I loved from view.

The muffled sound of a whimpering heart was all that was audible from my lips. My thoughts crying out for the only one whose love could break his hold.
The sun crept over the horizon and the lake danced in its presence. The scales of the arm that held me at bay turned to flesh in the glow of the sun.

Like a warrior riding in from the distance, the light flooded the garden and again I heard the approach of footsteps.

“Let her go, Lord Viroth. She is not yours to hold.”

His hand left my mouth and his embrace released. Curses slip past his lips as we turned to face the King.

You towered in front of him, the sun illuminating your face so that it hurt my eyes. Your arm outstretched towards me and I ran into your embrace.

“Leave us Viroth and do not be so quick as to come back again.”

With your words still lingering in the air, Lord Viroth disappeared into unnatural shadow.

I buried myself within your grasp. The gentleness of your touch renewed my strength. The brush of your finger across my lips healed the scrapes of my captivity.

“Forgive me my Lord, for in my weakness I thought he was you.”

Your lips buried within my hair, you kissed the top of my head. “Know only me Princess for what I offer cannot be duplicated.”

I will know you King. I will seek you always and in your embrace will I find refuge.

Love,

Your enraptured servant.

May you know the heart of the King and the voice of the one who loves you for in his embrace you will find refuge and peace for your soul.

“For your name’s sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; for I am your servant.” Psalms 143:11, 12 (NIV)