Mary's Journal: Telling Joseph

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And now, Mary's Journal: Telling Joseph

I spoke to Joseph today.

Trembling, I hid my hands beneath me as I sat across the table from him. How do I tell you I’m pregnant with the Son of God? I scanned the room looking for anything that might cause a distraction, and delay this conversation. But, nothing did.

Joseph sat staring. Not knowing why I had called him here or what I was about to say, he bore a stare in me that demanded full disclosure.

Taking a deep breath, I braced for the inevitable. “I’m pregnant.”

In whispers, I recounted Gabriel’s visitation, God’s favor, and my destiny. But, the words soared from my lips and pierced Joseph like arrows hitting a target. With each blow his shoulders slumped lower and his face fell further until his head was buried in his hands and his elbows braced on the table were the only things holding him up.

He did not believe me.

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs I did not betray you. I would never betray the one betrothed to me by my father, but my screams would do nothing but feed the fire of unsettled emotions already burning within the room.

Instead I confided, “This is good news Joseph.” Using a tone I’d hoped would soothe his broken heart. “I am pregnant with the child of the Most High God. The very child all of Israel has been praying for. This is answered prayer my beloved.”

Joseph was silent. Rising from his chair, he averted his eyes and didn’t once look at me as he left my father’s house.

Fear tapped on the door of my heart, begging to come in. He will divorce you and have you stoned. You do know that. Your child will never see the light of day, and neither will you for that matter. The voice inside my head boomed loud, as though someone or something stood beside me and breathed poison in my ear.

“You’re right.” I said, answering the invisible intruder. “Joseph can rightfully do all those things. But….I choose to trust my God.”

My determination boarded shut the mouth of the intruder, and he fled from my presence. In his absence, your peace poured from heaven and infiltrated my heart, and I knew you would hold me up and renew my strength.

I bowed my head and offered up this prayer.

My Lord, I do not know what tomorrow may bring, but I trust you. And, I trust you with Joseph. Speak to him that he may know the truth. Allow that truth to pass over his mind and penetrate his heart. And, if it is your will, let him walk this path with me. Amen.

I can do nothing now but wait, my Lord.

Mary

“This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit.” Matthew 1:18

May the Lord, who answers prayer, give you the strength, wisdom, and peace to receive His way for working in your life. And, may the Lord protect you “watching over your coming and your going both now and forevermore.” Psalm 121:8 NIV

Love Letters to the King

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And now, Love Letters to the King.

My Lord,

My heart had become as coal. Hardened by a fire that was fueled with the misery spawned from my life.

A void of darkness in which I endlessly fell, drowning in a torment of my own making. Used, beaten, cast aside, I learned to shut others out while I protected the wounds that festered within me. The walls surrounding my heart were impenetrable, and I took great care to keep them that way.

And then, I met you.

A message, delivered by a man on horseback, invited me to walk through a door I never knew existed. I entered. And, when I did, I found you waiting for me in the garden.

Your garden. Walking through the wrought iron fence, I shook hands with peace and was wrapped in glory. The trees radiated a green that leapt off the surface of each leaf and fed life to my soul. Their bark was the deepest shade of cocoa, as if the trees had never known the bite of winter. The path, laced with broken bedrock, led me to the lake where I found your willow tree. Used to bowing in worship of you, the branches bent forward and draped to the ground in a canopy of majesty. The sun danced on the surface of the crystal clear water and even though I shaded my eyes, I was unable to see across the length of it. Each breath, drawn deep within my lungs, exhaled the darkness that was left in the wake of my broken past and stored up within me.

No longer impenetrable. No longer clouded in despair. With each visit to the garden, the walls of my heart were dismantled brick by brick. Each visit with you removed pieces of the debris and resurrected that which I had long since buried.

Dead no more.

Now, as I stand below the willow tree, drawing the air into my lungs I realize there is no longer a stinging sensation upon my exhale. The familiar ache that came as my despair was pulled out of me was now a memory. No more pain. Today, I am new. “Thank you.” I whisper, “Thank you for the garden.”

“No, thank you Princess.”

Startled from my solitude, I turn to find you standing a few feet behind me. Staring into your eyes, I’m again swept away by the tide of your passion that flows from somewhere I have yet to travel.

Finding my voice, I ask “My Lord, why say thank you to me?”

I could tell by the lowering of your eyes and the pained smile upon your lips that you were saddened by my response.

“Dear one,” You said, “It is your love for me that awakens this garden to life. The magic does not lie in the trees or in the grass or even in the lake. It lies within you. As your heart grows for me, so does this garden. Therefore, thank you Princess, for believing in me.”

Dipping your head, your hand closed in a fist and landed above your heart as you bowed towards me. As you did, the garden silenced. Neither a bird, nor cricket made a sound. Even the wind slowed as not to wrestle the branches of the trees, all in honor of this moment and of our King.

It was too much to bear.

I ran, throwing myself into you, and forced you to embrace me. “No.” my cry muffled in your chest. “It’s not me. It’s you.”

“Princess, I am always here. As is my garden. But whether or not you see this place is up to you. Many have been invited, but few have ever entered. You, my dear, have chosen wisely. And now, the garden is yours. A gift that I have given to you.”

Your hands lifted my face from your chest before they rested upon my shoulders. Pushing me an arm’s length away, you squared my shoulders and caught the gaze of my eyes. “Now, the question is…What will you do with this gift?”

A smile slid across your lips while a spark flashed from your eyes, and hinted of a much larger mystery, which tickled my mind. With a laugh you turned and headed down the path, away from me.

I watched you, frozen in the flash of your enigmatic prelude. With each step that took you farther down the path, the garden awakened. The birds, again, began to sing and the crickets started their serenade. A faint breeze blew in from the lake and carried on it the words you had spoken from a distance.

“Until tomorrow Princess.”

Yes, my Lord. Until tomorrow. I will be here.

Love,

Your enraptured servant.


“Praise the Lord, all you nations; extol him, all you peoples. For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord.” Psalms 117:1-2

May you enter the garden and accept His gift, for His love will not betray but will restore that which has been stolen. You, dead no more, will arise adorned in the love of the King.

Silence

In silence I sit as a tug-of-war ensues within my mind. A battle between life’s responsibilities and the destiny God has called me too.

So much to do….

So many to email, call, or just make contact with…

Tumbling class, baseball practice, church, school and social events…

Grocery shopping, household chores and pets

And, I cannot forget the most important thing of all: breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner as little mouths must be fed…

My destiny lies dormant underneath a canopy of to-do lists. It whimpers under the weight of such a heavy load and yet, I must hope and dream. I must trust God with what He has called me too.

But, does God trust me?

My God has entrusted me with a destiny, just as He has entrusted you. And, He is waiting to see what we will do with it.

Destiny starts as a God given desire, gifting or talent. It’s the dream within our heart. The one that screams this is what you were born to do. When I hear its call, I can either answer or dismiss it.

I answered. And, I called upon God to show me how and what to do with it. Covering the dream with prayer, I waited for the Lord to open the door and show me the next step.

But, in the waiting, I became busy.

I used to say, “I know what God wants me to do, but I have small children and I’m buried in life. It’s hard, but He understands.”

That, however, is no longer good enough. I’ve seen and tasted the things of God. I have heard His call and understand that He is waiting on me.

Well, I’m ready.

I’m ready to stand up and take the challenge. So, today I break the silence and say, “Yes Lord…here am I…send me.”

No matter how hard, no matter how inconvenient, no matter how time consuming, I will pursue the destiny the Lord has called me too.

Today, I return God and His call to the top of my priority list.

Are you ready to answer “yes” to the call? If so, I’d love to hear about it, in hopes of encouraging each other in the destiny of our lives.

Mary's Journal: Overshadowed

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Mary's Journal: Overshadowed

May it be to me as you have said.

This was my “yes” to Gabriel. No sooner had I uttered the phrase then he dissipated from the room as a vapor disappears into the air around it.

Gabriel gone, I was alone with the enemy of my mind. It can’t be. He was an illusion. The ill-seated will of a poor peasant girl. Besides, you are a virgin. How can you become pregnant? You can’t.

The voice inside my head was relentless. It dug its poison like sharp fingernails into my skin and I bled doubt from underneath its tightening grip. How could God choose me? It just can’t be.

Flooded with despair, I crawled to my mat and prayed for sleep to overtake me. With eyes held so tight no tear could fall, I lay underneath my thread-bare blanket with muscles tensed. Waiting for precious slumber to release me from my torment, I was instead flooded by a chilling breeze. It started at my feet and moved up toward my head. As it passed over, it felt as if a metal ball covered with a thousand needles rolled over my skin, pricked me and continued on its course until all my hair was standing on end.

I jolted from my mat. The room was dimly lit with the aura of a million subdued points of light dancing around each other as if miniature shooting stars were piercing the darkness just above my head. I lifted my hand, penetrated the cloud with my fingers, and reached towards the lights. Some stars glided around my hand while others seemed to shoot through it. It tickled, and I could not help but laugh at their random choreography.

It occurred to me that fear should grip my soul, but it could not, for a tangible peace filled the room and covered me like a warm blanket. I drank in the scent of roses, myrrh and fire until I was intoxicated.

In my mind, I heard every thought of doubt that harassed me earlier replayed one phrase at a time. After each one the Lord spoke His truth, causing the infection of distress that had plagued me to unleash its grip and flee.

In the wake of my deliverance, I was left full of the Holy Spirit. It was then that I knew His will had been done. My destiny was underway.

For fear will not embrace me my Lord. Doubt shall not have its way. I am a servant of the Most High, born to love and worship Jehovah, my God. And, I will stand on the promises of heaven.

May it be as you have said.

Yes, let it be as the angel has said. And, let the Son of the God come forth.

Mary

“The angel answered. ‘The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God.’” Luke 1:35

May you be overshadowed by the Most High God, for you have been given promises of a destiny, and it awaits you. In that destiny, He will bestow upon you, and equip you with everything needed to fulfill the work of the Lord. May fear be dispelled, and let the yielding of Holy Spirit operate within you that you may become that which God created, a purposed son or daughter of the King.

What is Mary's Journal

Welcome to Mary’s Journal

Mary’s Journal is a series of parable devotions written in first person narrative. My intent is for the reader to feel as though they have stumbled upon a journal written by Mary, mother of Jesus.

As you read my fictionalized version of Mary’s feelings, thoughts and lessons learned, I pray it will bring you closer to the life of Jesus and therefore closer in your walk with Jesus.